A few weeks ago I mentioned a guy I'd seen in the park meditating for well over an hour. Completely motionless, sitting bolt upright like a statue. It was impressive, and something I aspire towards, if even to merely taste what he experiences for a moment.
For the past week I've been attempting to meditate. Having no real baseline, I simply sit for as long as my back will allow and try to clear my thoughts. Much easier said than done. I started with 5 minutes, then 10, and today was able to enjoy 15 minutes of clear-minded cogitation. There are these blue, curved metal benches at the beach that are far more comfortable than they appear. And each morning I walk to these benches and attempt to clear my mind. But the hardest part isn't the act of sitting, so much as allowing myself to 'be'. But today I felt myself slowly collapse into a state of relaxation I haven't experienced in some time.
With my eyes closed I soak in each sound - singing birds, barking dogs, feet gliding along the path in front of me. And I give each sound an opportunity to enter, swim around in my mind, then slowly exit as they find a new audience. As these sounds become part of the background I feel myself relaxing further, until I begin feeling nothing. No care or worry. No desire. No need or want.
A friend of mine sent me a quote from a Buddhist teacher and author named Pema Chadron. This quote resinated with me, and found me at a time when my confidence has been less than resolute. But I need to view the past year of my life as another in a series of "endless opportunities to start to do things differently."
Peace out bean sprouts!
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