Back on the Island

I'm back in Alameda. My Island. Yeah, it's mine!

I stopped by Speisekammer with a couple friends. It's a local German spot with a nice selection of brew and some tasty dishes, too! I'm a poet and didn't even know it!

Anna and Tanya getting tipsy

Alameda is a small town in the San Francisco Bay, a quick 20 minute ferry boat ride to Downtown San Francisco, but this might as well be Anytown, USA. It's only been 8 months since I left, but feels like 8 years. Even though it's nice to move on to something new, Alameda will always feel like home.

So, the past few days have been pretty decent. That little backslide I experienced for a couple days last week is in my rearview and I've been getting in some good walks and urban hikes and haven't felt any of that annoying burning lately. I seem to have established this pattern of taking two steps forward and one step back lately, which is a lot better than the opposite. But as long as I'm moving forward it's all good.

Next stop, 40K!

My hamstrings are feeling a lot better lately and I've been able to get into some fairly deep stretches without taxing my back too much. My downward dog is finally starting to return. I'm still reluctant to start pushing it yet and plan to continue this easy climb back. I figure at the rate I'm progressing, by 6 months I will hopefully be ready to start really pushing my rehab. Being cautious has never been my strong suit, so this whole taking it easy business is an entirely new experience. It's taken a while to develop a patient approach, but I'm starting to (reluctantly) settle into this new role.

One nice treat before I left Santa Cruz was the opportunity to hang out with my friend's kid, Benjamin. Bennie is one sweet kid and a blast to hang out with. 

Future heartbreaker

I'll be hanging out in Alameda a little longer than expected before driving up to Oregon, which is fine with me. Gives me a chance to get back to island living.

Aloha!

Cruzin...

I finally escaped Los Angeles for a little Bay Area R and R. I first visited my friend Kim in Truckee and spent a couple days with her and her two future pro athlete sons. We spent an afternoon at the recently built bike park watching kids get airborne. It was brutal watching and not being able to ride, but I got to live vicariously through Jack as he launched off some sick jumps!

Jack going big!

I managed to squeeze in a short hike with Kim, but the terrain was a little more rugged than I was ready for. Lots of steep, rocky sections that required me to go slow. After a couple miles I had to call it a day and cash in my chips. My back just isn't ready for an unbalanced hike yet. Kind of disappointed I'm not further along at this point. I would have hoped by 4 months I'd be traversing rocky trails with relative ease. Patience, grasshopper. 

Kim taking a break from her normal 100 mile bike days to humor me with an easy stroll.

After leaving Truckee I stopped at the home of the one and only Drew, a future disc replacement patient I've been speaking with for the past few months, but haven't yet seen in person. He's scheduled for surgery in Barcelona in a couple weeks and is the most prepared any person could possibly be for a procedure like this. It's been a long time coming, but he's going to come home a new man. I can't wait to see you walking around pain free, Drew!

I'm currently in Santa Cruz staying with my friends Paule and Julie at their chateau in the woods. They live near mountain biking nirvana in the shadow of the Santa Cruz mountains. Paule is a master chef and knows his way around meat. If you don't like meat, this ain't the house for you! After a week at Chez PauleJulie, it's gonna be hard to return to Los Angeles.

It's what's for dinner

I was most concerned about spending hours in the car, and the drive up was a little rough. I stopped a little less than planned mainly because I just wanted to get the drive over as soon as possible. A quick stretch helped settle down my back and I was able to sit in relative comfort for about 30 minutes before the burn started to settle in.

I'm meeting with friends spread out around the Bay Area, so that means a lot more driving. Then on Monday I leave for Bend, Oregon. That's gonna be a tough stretch. My back was feeling somewhat decent until yesterday. I woke up with a deep, penetrating burn in my low back and it got worse with exercise. I attempted a walk in the woods yesterday, but got a couple miles in and felt an all too familiar tingle in my back, so I turned around and came home. I'm still doing my daily rehab, which consists of a series of light stretches and contractions. Otherwise I'm listening to my body and only doing what it tells me I can do. And at the moment that's not much. Dr. Bierstedt told me it's the ligaments and muscles still feeling strained and that I need to continue taking it easy for another month. 

The level of discomfort isn't too intense, but it's a nagging pressure that makes me nervous because it feels like a prelude to something bigger. So I'm going to wait for this to pass until I start pushing it again. It just feels like yet another slight backslide I have to wait out. I keep needing to remind myself that 4 months isn't that long since surgery. I had hoped I'd be one of those lucky few who are back to running marathons by now, but that's just not going to happen.

I had a goal of being on the bike by Summer Solstice. I've now changed my plans for fall. Big picture! Gotta think Big Picture!

Pedi makes it all better

I was a little wound up with my last post. So my cousin and I went and got our pedi on today. Nothing like some proper foot care to soothe your soul.

Guess which is me...

Since I didn't mention how things are going in my previous rant, I figured a quick round up was in order. I've stepped up the exercise a bit. Nothing too crazy, mainly spirited walks. I'm doing about 5 miles each morning with a lot of hill repeats. Short, steep hills where I can drive off the balls of my feet and really engage the old glutes. I push hard enough uphill to break a sweat and actually get my heart rate above 120. My biggest issues right now are being sedentary. Sitting and standing still present the biggest problems, but this area is improving slowly. Some days I can sit down to a good meal in peace, some days not so much.

I spend my rehab doing a combination of postural correction movements and stretching. Honestly, I feel like I could do much more, but I'm playing it safe for now. I learned my lesson the hard way once not to rush things, and will let my body be the judge of when to unleash the hounds. One promising indication that things are improving is that I can easily do 70+ continuous stomach crunches without pain. I'm tight, but when I contract my stomach I experience no sharp pains that prior to surgery would have been impossible to perform. And I can bend at the waist and touch my toes! Next stop, the floor!

I'm planning a road trip to the Bay Area, Tahoe and Oregon and a little concerned about the toll the driving will take on my back, but I'm going to stop at every pie stand along the way to give my spine a break and fill my belly. I've been in LA since last November, away from my peoples up north and it's time I reconnected.

Hey Paule, fire up that grill, heat up the hot tub and get those margaritas ready!

 

A new normal?

I had a conversation recently with an old friend who is a little conservative in how he chooses to live his life. He takes few real risks with his body and considers popping a jalepeno in his mouth living on the edge. But he's a warm and caring person and someone I've always considered a good friend.

After listening to me drone on about the slow pace of my recovery he said, "You might need to consider that this could be your new normal." I smiled a mildly contemptuous smile and changed the subject for fear of lashing out. This is a very sore subject for me and ranks right up there with, "Be patient."

This notion that any period in your life is a 'New Normal' is something I attribute to people who either don't possess the stones to keep pushing or just accept what's in front of them. Admitting to yourself that whatever you feel at a given moment is your New Normal is basically saying, 'I'm done trying, I'm just going to accept where I'm at, grab a pint of Phish Food, and become one with the couch.'

Fuck that! New Normal my ass! My entire life has been an ever evolving Cirque Du, Du, Du...Do whatever the hell I want! When my body tells me I can't do something, I simply adapt to what I can do. That is my god damn Normal!

And while we're on the subject of patience - unless you have daily migraines, or a knee that never works right, or a shoulder that's perpetually separated, or a back that burns the moment you wake up and remains on fire until you lay down to sleep, you don't know what patience is. Unless you've spent 25 years with what can best be described as a 40 pound sack of flour strapped to your back, day in and day out, slowly collapsing your spine, you haven't the foggiest idea what it means to be patient.

So let this be a warning to anyone who tells me to be patient with my recovery. I know! Stop telling me to be patient as if I have no insight into my life story. I appreciate your kindness and the manner in which it's offered, but I'm full to the brim with patience..

Cranky much? OK, clearly I need to get a drink. Whose joining me!

Don't call it a comeback!

Well, it's been a couple weeks since last I entertained you fine people. I've decided to take a break from the weekly updates and just 'be' for a while. I was beginning to over think my recovery and get frustrated at times. Sometimes you gotta let go to find what you're looking for.

A fellow 'spiney' friend of mine who has problems with his back that dwarf mine, asked me recently if I felt like the surgery was a success at this stage. I told him an emphatic NO. But not for the reasons he suspected. I set very a very high standard for my recovery. I was active on a fairly high level, and determined before surgery that anything less than returning to my former active life would be unacceptable. Some people might say that's unrealistic, but that's the deal I made with myself and that's what continues to drive me. Admittedly, it's a tad arrogant. But I can live with that.

With that said, do I have any regrets? An equally as emphatic NO. I'm not going to judge the failure or success of my surgery for a long time. Until then it's a work in progress measured by varying degrees of improvement. Things are advancing and my mobility is far better today than it was a month ago. I did 50 stomach crunches this morning during rehab and didn't feel any pain. That is serious progress. And bending over to touch my toes doesn't scare me any longer. I'm not even close to touching them yet, but I'm getting there. I still have a constant nagging pressure and tightness in my low back, but the sharp pains completely receded and I'm walking around like Tony Manero again. I'm beginning to feel human, but not until I'm back in the saddle, single-speeding up some rocky mountain, any mountain, will I declare this little episode in my life a rousing success.

But I've been using my downtime to reconnect with friends. I spent the day recently with my old friend Leigh, who I haven't seen in years and someone I have long considered one of my favorite people. One day with Leigh and all my problems are sorted out and I'm ready to attack life again.

Hey Matt...jealous!?

I'm planning a road trip to the Bay Area next week to visit friends and do a little recon for my next phase. My days in sunny Southern California are coming to a close and it's time I start planning my exit strategy. My goal is to be out of this berg by the end of August, my body willing of course. My days have been filled with rehab and reflection, but it's time I start thinking about where I might find myself next. Southern California is a nice place to visit, but I sure as hell don't want to live here. And 7 months is about 6 months too long for this cranky old man.

I'm finally excited about my future for the first time in a while, which is a far cry from where I've been. I still struggle with being patient. But daily meditation has helped tremendously with allowing my mind to simply slow down and accept the moment for what it is. Life is impermanence. Everything changes, the good and the not so good. Nothing remains static. So I try to find that balance between the ebb and flow of life and realize that this moment in time is just a small blip in my lifetime. And an even smaller blip in the greater picture. 

I hope you're all well and enjoying life! Stay thirsty my friends!